Monday, March 26, 2007
-
your reticence is certainly puzzling, was it because of something I did? could it be that perhaps i'm disturbing, in more ways than one? ohwell i don't know, but i do know that maybe trying to do something about it will only make it worse. so.....let's just leave it at that.
anyway..not much doing these last weeks, managed to get my applications done but the documents aren't sent in yet..want to go for the UK trip but haven't broached the subject yet..was on leave the whole of last week and spent an enjoyable four days lazing around at home, eating, sleeping, watching tv and reading (: haha i read like 7 books in 2days which was tiring but something I hadn't done for so long.. haha the intensity of it all.. discovering new stories and getting lost in someone else's world for awhile.. Read a mix of books i suppose.. fantasy and bimbotic tween books.. some literary stuff and some old favourites..
weiwei (: at 7:32 PM
Saturday, March 17, 2007
on this night of a thousand stars
Jon's commissioning ball last night, good food, darling company, wonderful surroundings. Was quite a pleasant surprise how the army drilled them in etiquette and things like that (: Lots of gentlemanly behavior all round.
Met a few people I didn't expect to, and photos up when kelly sends them!
weiwei (: at 12:02 AM
Thursday, March 15, 2007
strange urges
It's odd, when one sudden feels the prompting to write again, to try expressing thoughts in words properly. The familiar, yet distant, feeling of musing over the choice of words, the cadence, the syntax.. Wondering whether it ought to be so well-thought or if it should instead be spontaneity to the max.Exciting it is, that cannot be denied, the wish to see what words those letters form, what pictures those words paint and sometimes it just bubbles up and frantically, I begin writing. Little wells of inspiration, tiny pockets of thought. The perfect word/work is indeed elusive.
Throwing out little bits of incomprehensible nonsense, trying to tie them together with common lines, imagery and little bits of passion, hoping that somehow it'll evolve and present itself.
I know I'm stealing this from steph, but whimsical rhapsodies is a nice combi of words!
weiwei (: at 7:11 PM
heartache
that word just sounds really dramatic and cliched, used in situations of extreme emotion and grief that kinda thing..but somehow the people who wrote that were simply expressing how they felt, not metaphorically either, but a physical sort of ache inside. It's not a sharp pain, but dull, hence the word "ache".. and I guess I've seriously felt it. It's strange really, that realisation that this is what those people were talking about..
interesting, aye?
weiwei (: at 1:47 AM
above
looking up
at her wonderous display,
the towering peaks
of CLOUDS, interspersed with rays.
early they glow, rosy
and shy,then brilliant and
breathtaking, an overture in the sky.
at times azure, at others a stormy grey,
powerful magic to enchant
whoever comes her way.
gazing upon her beauty,
held in her sway.
her allure threefold when
night dims the sun,
adorned with filigreed finery,
once every day is done.
spend your days, half in a daze,
await the dusky twilight
and that land of your
dreams. In slumber so
sweet, live how you will,
see what you wish,
love who you would.
weiwei (: at 1:28 AM
update
My head is in the clouds...%20-%201024x768.jpg)
My heart is out at sea...Alas, my feet are on the ground, I cannot soar free!
New pretty pictures to make your/my day! I want to be an air stewardess/sailor! Anything to keep my feet off the ground haha
nothing much, really.. eh went for the IRAS thingie last night, had fun giggling with liz about silly things, and the mango ice thing i had for dessert/dinner was yummy (:
got home pretty late, managed to fall asleep in front of the tv watching american idol (how old am I?).. lunch at sally's today watching them play pingpong, a rather idyllic afternoon, if i may say so myself..
ball tmr! can't decide which black dress to wear, mine, or steph's. Each has it's pros and cons i suppose.. but I don't really have shoes to go with either and there isn't time to shop! Not exactly looking very much forward to sitting down for a few hours (which will seem an eternity, I'm sure) and just have to make small talk the whole time.. not exactly my idea of fun but ahh we shall see. New experience, after all..
weiwei (: at 12:16 AM
Tuesday, March 13, 2007
halt.
I would like to stop what I'm doing, what I'm going through.. I want to cause of it all to go away and with it other more complicated feelings..Wanting and yet not knowing how to go about it, afraid of being found out and then maybe the distance will multiply, a yawning chasm it already is.
False hope, maybe normal occurances interpreted wrongly, in a delusion. Mind playing tricks and wrecking havoc with me.
It's not the past anymore, it's the future, that much I'm glad of. But
it doesnt make it better.
Halt, stop, cease.
Flashes of realisation, but always back into the mire, never lifting free, never far away. I need to have a clear mind, crystalline, lucid, wiped of all of You.
weiwei (: at 2:18 AM
Monday, March 05, 2007
AHHH
AHH i should just have stuck to it. I took a chance, and hey it's pretty ok, except why the hell are you being so hostile and prickly?Feeling kinda shaky now.. literally, my hands are shaking. Gosh.
Ooh I'm posting an AWFUL lot today, aye?
weiwei (: at 11:41 PM
Frown.
BAH HUMBUG. In such a bad mood now and honestly I don't know why. OK maybe I've an inkling of why but it's just a trigger I'm guessing, not the main act. Annoyed even further by the gaiety of the people around me, it's not that I'm mad they're not asking after me, it's more like they're just noisy. But oh well it's just little miss sulky who's angry at the whole world for even existing. Honestly feel everything's just sweeping past, too tiring to try to catch up, integrate, participate.Feeling really frustrated now, not really at my results, or lack thereof, more like my inability to prove to others that I'm capable. Of producing results, of speaking well, of expressing myself eloquently.. of being zai, basically. It's not the best feeling in the world, wanting to prove that I could make it even after what happened and failing miserably.
Want to while my time away mindlessly.. I want to read the dictionary and have such an impressive vocab.. I want to know how to spell deluge- as in a flood, that kinda thing (is that even right?).. AH.
Ramblings of a grouch.
On another note, I feel like taking a week off work.. Ahh.
weiwei (: at 9:39 PM
mediocrity
A level results were released on friday.. and they weren't the most glowing of results. In fact, one could say they were rather mediocre.Pretty dismal the last few days, considering my limited choices and plagued with worry over entrance, not alleviated in the least by mummy calling to scream at me at intervals of 10 minutes.
Spent a brainless night at xuwen's watching wallace & gromit and just generally not exercising my brain other than deciding which packet of chips to attack first. Tried a lovely small bottle of white wine that looked pink? heh.
Last night was thai express.. dinner with yz and ruhan and i'm officiallybroke. NO MORE SPENDING. bah.
weiwei (: at 7:40 PM
Thursday, March 01, 2007
The last two days
As yz said, the last two days were indeed lovely (: wonderful company and fun!We brought scary out for dinner on wednesday night, my first time eating at the soup restaurant. Ate a disgusting amount of food, which was.. alright? The soup didn't at all fulfill expectations though, it was super salty, and had the smelly pork taste instead of lotus root flavour nyeh.
Next on the programme was singing! heh we literally dragged him to kbox with alot of whining, pouting and poking, not all by us, too. finally made our way there feeling slightly guilty for forcing him into something he probably really didn't want to do, excerbated by the fact that it was supposed to be his night. happy at the same time too, of course.
Anyway the night ended with him kindly sending all of us home haha. SO not fun for him.
Last night was the-night-before-the results! So steph yz and i headed off to holland v for drinks and dinner (: tried my first cosmopolitan.. yum.
And so today is the day.
Lord, may your comfort and peace that transcends all understanding be with us, always.
weiwei (: at 5:23 PM